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A Different Kind of Lily |
A DIFFERENT KIND OF LILY
This is the journey of a young African girl who is determined to face head on the life she has been dealt. She knows it is a huge challenge but she is not about to give up. To protect her identity, she will only be referred to as Lily and her family's identity and location will not be published. She is one of four girls born to a mentally disabled mother.
When you first meet Lily, you cannot help but notice her infectious smile, a smile that reveals nothing about the young girl's plight. She is about 5 feet tall- maybe slightly taller now, dark complexion and like most girls in that part of the world, very shy. One of the chats we had with her was at a local medical clinic. She and her aunt were waiting for Lily's grandmother who was inside the clinic seeing a doctor. Asked why she was at the clinic, Lily smiled and said "I am here to keep Auntie company - Grandma is in there" she said pointing towards the hallway of the clinic. You can tell that Lily was very close to her aunt. Her grandmother emerged from inside the medical clinic and the smile on the young girl's face changed to a frown. "She looks sad' Lily said referring to her grandmother. We could not tell the difference. Lily's grandmother always looks sad and or tired. Her aunt looked up and said of her mother, "she is ok" but infact Lily was right. Her grandmother had just been referred to another hospital in a town about 25km from the little village where they live. The doctor at this clinic was concerned about her health. You could tell that this is not what the family expected but it was accepted.
Lily spoke to us about her fears for the future. Top on the young girl's mind is the fear that she won't be able to afford a higher level of education. Her wish and dreams are to be highly educated in order for her to secure a good job that will allow her to support her mother and three sisters. A little background information on this family will help put this young girl's story and fears into perspective.
Family background
Lily's mother, Chris was the 6th of eight children (six girls and two boys). In the part of the world where they live, having six girls consecutively at the time (in the 1960s and 70s) was almost a curse. A woman who could not "give" her husband a son was either abandoned, divorced or the husband married another woman who would hopefully "give " him a son. This was the case with Lily's grandmother.
After she had five girls consecutively, the husband married another woman who was supposedly going to give him a son. The new wife ended up not having a single child with this man, but she stayed in the family and was a really good stepmother to the children and a good co-wife to Lily's grandmother. Yes you guessed it, polygamy is practiced in this part of the world. When Lily's mother, Chris, was born her father came to the hospital to see the baby and his wife. At the time, men were not allowed in the delivery room and no one could tell the sex of the baby befoer birth. On finding that his wife had just given birth to another baby girl, he left his wife and baby in the hospital and he disappeared for several days. No one knew where he went or when he would be back. It was a family friend who took the baby and mother home from the hospital. When Chris was about 5 months old, her mother had a major surgery and was in the hospital for several weeks. Chris's stepmother stepped in and took good care of the child while the mother was in the hospital. At 8 months, the family started sensing that something was not quite right with Chris. She was not developing "normally' but nothing was done about it. At one year old, it was obvious that the child had some kind of mental disability. To date at 43 years old Chris has a mental capacity of a four or five year old (just guessing as she has never really been evaluated). Chris' mother, now 76 years old, looks after Chris and her four children.
It is believed that when Chris was in her mid 20s, men from her village where they live raped her each time any of them had the opportunity and this is how the four girls came to be. None of the men came forward to claim responsibility for any of the girls. Chris' mother recalls the first time Chris got pregnant: "She was so sick for several weeks and no one knew what was wrong with her. She was vomiting and had very high fever. I took her to the doctor and they said she had malaria so she was treated for malaria. Then she started gaining weight and we all thought she was recovering really well and boom, her belly just popped out one day. We were all shocked. Chris had no idea as to what was happening to her. I cried my heart out" she said. Chris's mother could not understand who would do this to a mentally disabled person. It was a difficult pregnancy and the family was relieved when she had the baby. When the baby was eight months old, the family began noticing that the baby was just like her mother when she was that age...and yes, it was happening again. Whatever disability Chris has, her first born child had also inherited! The family was crashed. Chris' mother said she did not ask God as to why this was happening to them..."there was no point in doing that...I had to deal with it" she said.
Shortly after Chris gave birth to her first child, she got pregnant again and Lily was born. the family watched carefully for any signs of mental disability but it looked like Lily would be spared her sister's fate. Not long after Lily was born, Chris got pregnant again, twice, even though she was on some form of birth control medication. The last two girls after Lily also have the same type of disability that their mother and eldest sister have. Out of the four girls, three of them are severely mentally disabled.
Chris' mother struggles to provide for them as best as she can. She can barely feed the family as she does not have any income and lives on subsistance farming. She has no means of helping these kids who definitely need help due to the challenges resulting from their disability. Chris' mother worry about the future and what will happen to these kids and their mother when she is "gone." This is where Lily picks up. Lily, now 21, believes that if she is well educated and acquires a job, she will be able to take care of her mother and three sisters. Her biggest concern was how she was going to afford higher education. Although there is free lower level education in her country, one still needs to have money to buy books, uniforms, school building materials, food and accommodation. This usually adds up to more than an average person in the village can afford. Colleges and universities are even worse! Two of Lily's aunts, including the one we met at the clinic have since died of AIDS leaving behind several children too.
The CoordinateAfrica Team has picked up the responsibility to pay for Lily's school expenses for as long as she is in school. We would like to see her complete her education and secure a job. She seems very happy with this arrangement. With all the odds stacked against her, it is going to be a tough ride for the young girl but she is very determined to succeed so we are following her journey.
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